hotel room ftw
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
