There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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