There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize