DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize