you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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