If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i out mim tonsoeep
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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