Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
