its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
