Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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