party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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