i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
