You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
