end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
