Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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