What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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