he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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