I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
