Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
