Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
