i think my mom watched the whole time
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
