girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
