PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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