I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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