I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize