If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
