i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
