You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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