yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
