if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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