OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
