found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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