she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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