you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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