Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
