ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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