Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
