I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
