his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
