lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
