Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
