Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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