noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
