Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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