Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Operation Purity has been aborted
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
