She is in my trunk
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
