You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
