when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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