Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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