My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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