I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
