She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
