I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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