And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
