i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
