Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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