P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
