am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
