There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
