I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
