i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
