Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
