Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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