Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
