the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
