I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
