Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
