ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She's just so happy...and so naked.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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