I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize