Will you blow on my dice?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
