I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
