tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
