Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
