roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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