good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
