The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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