you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
