her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
