hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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