I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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